As a proud new member of the South Counties Hockey Umpires Association, I set off for the splendidly-named Purley Walcountians Hockey Club for my first umpiring assignment of the season on Saturday morning. It was a gorgeous day, even East Croydon station looked well in the sunshine.
I reached Purley on schedule, but to my alarm, I couldn't find a place to validate my Oyster card. On consulting the two station attendants, they told me that my Oyster card wasn't valid all the way out here... I wondered aloud what to do, and one of the lads said "You need to think carefully about what you think is the most appropriate course of action..." Fortunately, this was delivered with a nudge and a wink, and it was clear that my error would not be punished. Indeed, I ended up mediating a football argument between the two boys while I waited for my lift from the station!
After a minute or two, the captain of Purley arrived to collect me. Terribly nice chap. I don't think I've ever heard the word 'quite' used as a response to a remark so many times...
The game itself went well, feedback to the Philly Shine of London was very positive (in fact as I write, I have just been appointed to a league game next Saturday!). After, I was fed and watered while having further posh conversations with my host and various other hockey hangers on - the usual types; the alcoholic alicadoo, the 'club men' collecting subs, and of course various short-haired lesbians...
There was an amusing moment as my host was describing to me an incident during the match involving the Indian forward - the poor chap desperately trying to avoid sounding un-PC... "He was the, er, Asiany sort of chap..."
I was spirited back to the station and this time I purchased a legitimate ticket for the short trip back to the comfort, if you'll pardon the imminent pun, of Zone 2. There was one twist in the tale - I had to change in Clapham Junction, the 16-platform behemoth of a station south of the river, opposite Fulham.
To minimise the chaos, there are helpful signs on the wall where you can look up your destination station, and it tells you what platforms to aim for. Somewhat dissappointingly, the platforms for West Brompton were 15, 16, and 2!
Cue a predectable farce as I made for 15/16, just missed the train, then legged it all the way to platform 2, missed another one, before taking the next train to Victoria in disgust and connecting with the District line. I did have a great view of Battersea Power Station - correction, the iconic Battersea Power Station...And what of my better half?
Sarah and Angela spent the afternoon shopping on Kensington High Street, before adjourning to a champagne bar. They needed somewhere to put the Nine West bags down for a while... It's a good job pay-day only comes once a month!
Mum and Dad gave us a book of London walks as a going away gift, no doubt with a view to steering us towards some of the less hedonistic past-times our new place of residence has to offer! The book, imaginatevely titled "Walking London", contains thirty walks in and around London. Obviously.
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